Does thinking about the first day of school hatch butterflies in your stomach wondering how to navigate around a large and new school, if friendships will be developed, and whether homework will become overwhelming? If you are asking yourself these questions as a parent, imagine the uncertainty your child feels as he or she begins the journey to middle or high school.
Middle and high school are times of great change, numerous “firsts” and transitions. Thankfully, you and your tween or teen don’t have to cope with the impending changes all at once, and certainly not during the first few weeks of the new school year.
As your child prepares for heading back into the classroom, what is important during this vital transitional period?
Parental Involvement Ask parents who has the most influence over decisions and behaviors of their children and most will reply, “Their peers.” Yet, research confirms that when teens are asked who has the most input over their actions, they overwhelmingly reply, “My parents.”
Despite the eye-rolling and often demonstrated (and completely natural) push for independence, middle and high school students need you - their parents. Who better can provide the guidance, direction, love, and support to guide them into adulthood?
Yet, a National Middle School Association study confirms that parental involvement too often declines during the crucial secondary school years. Among children in kindergarten through Grade 5, 69 percent of parents were highly involved in school. Among children in grades 9 through 12, however, only 39 percent were involved in their children’s school activities.
According to the Parent Teacher Association (PTA), the reason for this decline in parental involvement, just as teens are entering middle and high school, is two-fold. First, maturing children have a growing need to develop a sense of self and independence that is separate from their families. The PTA reports, “Teenagers begin to weigh choices and consequences, make more decisions on their own, learn from their mistakes, and establish their own set of values to guide their decisions and actions. They begin refusing help from their parents.”
Second, parents’ roles begin changing, in order for children to develop self-identity. While parents continue to offer encouragement and guidance, they begin stepping back a little in all aspects of their children’s lives in order to show their respect for their children’s growing independence. The PTA recommends, “Parents must begin to let adolescents make their own choices - good and bad - and have teenagers take responsibility for their actions and decisions.”
What Parents Can DoTalk with your tweens and teens in ways that encourage information sharing about school activities and their personal concerns while reinforcing your support – emotionally and academically.
Discussion questions for parents and teens include:
• Discuss what worries you most about the middle/high school transition years. Ask your teen what are his or her biggest concerns?
• Parents, what is the best way to know how things are really going at school? Discuss with your child how best to strike a balance between involvement and independence in the teen years.
• High school parents, talk to your teens about what they want in a university. How much stress does he or she feel during the admissions process?
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